i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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