Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
