If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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