I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
