He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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