i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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