A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
