Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
