He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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