i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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