And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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