3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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