my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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