I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize