i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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