today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
