Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
