DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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