I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
