Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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