I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
