I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
