wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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