You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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