I cockslap morals
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
