pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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