hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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