Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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