Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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