He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
