The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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