I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
