Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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