My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
