booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize