I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
