4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
