Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
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Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is my gift to your gina
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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