The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
