Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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