oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
