She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
