If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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