i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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