I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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