they need to just BURY HIM!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
