Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
