why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
