I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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