we have pet lesbian snakes
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He passed out mid-signature
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
