I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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