The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
