hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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