your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
