Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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