so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
