You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
