me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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