no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
