Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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