My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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