You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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