Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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