Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
