who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
