we have pet lesbian snakes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
