awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
