So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
