Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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