WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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