You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
is it fun? or sober?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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