you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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