I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
