I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
