the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
